First we have cat torture, and then we have a distressed child on some sort of horrendous narcotic. Isn’t the internet fun?
(via thevoicecalledcheesecake)
Source: ignoratio-elenchi
Someone in the press I read said that relationships between the European leaders is at an all-time low. I thought, well, not really. In 1939 it was a lot worse.
(via thevoicecalledcheesecake)
Source: vlieger
At least skin is waterproof
Source: the-eleventh-blog
With a computer game you pay sixty quid for something that is now too hard to do. Computer games, I switch them on and then I just die. What’s the point in that? They shoot at you straight away! There’s not a level where’s it like ‘Level One: Get some breakfast’. I’m shit at real life, I play video games to feel less shit. In five minutes I want to win the World Cup and shoot some baddies. I don’t want to be crying on the floor in a video game as well as my room.
Source: yougomollycoco
A spectacular stunt with a water feature went tragically wrong, drowning neither of them
FACEDASH
Shut up! Shut up, you American. You always talk, you Americans, you talk and you talk and say ‘Let me tell you something’ and ‘I just wanna say this.’ Well, you’re dead now, so shut up.
Source: slfriend79
![whitetimber:
Arthur: Old woman!Dennis the Pheasant: Man!Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?Dennis the Pheasant: I’m thirty-seven.Arthur: I— what?Dennis the Pheasant: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man’.Dennis the Pheasant: Well, you could say ‘Dennis’.Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis’.
Dennis the Pheasant: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked—Dennis the Pheasant: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!Arthur: Well, I am King!
Dennis the Pheasant: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d’you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By ‘anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the—Pheasant Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who’s castle is that?
Pheasant Woman: King of the who?Arthur: The Britons.Pheasant Woman: Who are the Britons?Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.Pheasant Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.Dennis the Pheasant: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes—Pheasant Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.Dennis the Pheasant: That’s what it’s all about. If only people would hear of—Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?Pheasant Woman: No one lives there.Arthur: Then who is your lord?Pheasant Woman: We don’t have a lord.Arthur: What?Dennis the Pheasant: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…Arthur: Yes.Dennis the Pheasant: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…Arthur: Yes, I see.Dennis the Pheasant: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis the Pheasant: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major—Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!Pheasant Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.Arthur: I am your king!Pheasant Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.Pheasant Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!Dennis the Pheasant: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.Arthur: Be quiet!Dennis the Pheasant: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ‘cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!Arthur: Shut up!Dennis the Pheasant: I mean, if I went ‘round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!Dennis the Pheasant: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
Arthur: Shut up!Dennis the Pheasant: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!Arthur: Bloody peasant!Dennis the Pheasant: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4tzyiDxyv1qf21k9o1_1280.jpg)
Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis the Pheasant: Man!
Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis the Pheasant: I’m thirty-seven.
Arthur: I— what?
Dennis the Pheasant: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.
Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man’.
Dennis the Pheasant: Well, you could say ‘Dennis’.
Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis’.Dennis the Pheasant: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked—
Dennis the Pheasant: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur: Well, I am King!Dennis the Pheasant: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d’you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By ‘anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the—
Pheasant Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who’s castle is that?Pheasant Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Pheasant Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
Pheasant Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis the Pheasant: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes—
Pheasant Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis the Pheasant: That’s what it’s all about. If only people would hear of—
Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Pheasant Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Pheasant Woman: We don’t have a lord.
Arthur: What?
Dennis the Pheasant: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis the Pheasant: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis the Pheasant: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!Dennis the Pheasant: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major—
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Pheasant Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
Arthur: I am your king!
Pheasant Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Pheasant Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,…
[angels sing]
…her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
Dennis the Pheasant: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis the Pheasant: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ‘cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis the Pheasant: I mean, if I went ‘round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
Dennis the Pheasant: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis the Pheasant: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis the Pheasant: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?
Source: whitetimber
Source: durmik
